10 Things!!!!!

Now lets see how many good reasons you can give for the "Whip" you're driving. I call my Car Slama and i came up with 10 reason why i love her easilly. How many can you come up with for yours?
1. She's German
2. She has a good power to weight ratio
3. People tend to underestimate her (being a Golf MK II) and as such i have embarrased some unsuspecting drivers
4. She's small and as such can be manoeuvred easilly
5. I feel safe driving at any time and in any part of lagos
6. She can breakdown and i aint afraid to leave her there for the night
7. She has a short wheel base and fitted to high profile tyres, becomes an SUV
8. She don't drink (she ain't a gas guzzler)
9. Hardly do i ever get stopped by the 'Popo' ( as a friend once said, they won't stop me for fear of not wanting me to obtain them)
10. Her lineage has been around for over 30 years. She has a current edition( she definatley has a scret recipe. i'm driving a well engineered car)
and yeah with the windows wound up and the doors not locked, there are only 3 people alive that can open her doors... talk about keyless entry!!!!

The Pagani F Roadster against the Bugatti Veyron

This has got to be one of the greatest duels of all Time.

Watch as both Cars fight for ultimate Glory!!!!!!

Drag Race between the Bugatti Veyron and the Pagani F Roadster.

Lap Race between the Bugatti Veyron and the Pagani F Roadster.

Only the Germans Can Conceive this!!!!!!

Driving a Estate (station wagon) is pretty much uncool in this part of the World. Probably because they're perceived as being slow and branded as a "family" vehicles.
However in Europe its not. Mercedes Benz has the E63 AMG Estate, BMW, the M5 tourer and Audi the RS6 Avant. the Audi being the most powerful Estate in the world. Packing a 580 Hp twin turbo V10 Engine.
The Clip here shows the E63 AMG taking on the Audi R8. ( the car used by Iron Man).

The E63 AMG Estate against the R8
The outcome of this race will surprise many!!!
happy viewing!!!!

Slama!!!!!!

If You're an ardent reader of my blog, you might have me mention that name before. yeah, that's what i named my Car. A Golf Mark II, Black in color, Aze Alloy Wheels, A/C'ed( though the gas is empty now), 3 speed Auto, power mirrors (on one side), green Tinted windows (not like your plain Hyundai Elantra windows, men those korean's piss me off!!), big bumper-ed beauty of a baby.
In the eyes of many she isn't much, but i have learnt how to thrust her hard and make her seem more capable, especially since her heart surgery ( i recently changed the engine).
I once mentioned that there are only three people alive that can open her ( the doors), yours trully, jigga and the CEO of LAY records( he had to learn how to, when his car Bumble Bee got bashed on Lekki - Epe expressway).
It was during the recent Eid -el Kabir holidays. I had gone to see my boo and on leaving her plcae, i called jigga up who was as expected was doing some 1759ing. i decided to stop over and join em at 40's bar. In attendance was D. Adisa of Real Madrid, Okuffi and Jigga. After i had 1 bottle, we hit the road. Jigga suggested that we don't drive all the way to lekki that night. i concurred as anytime with D. Adisa was always a "High" time. We made one last stop in Yaba for ' 1 for the road'. The boys wanted more but i couldn't take another after "1 for the road" as my baby was soon gonna call and i had better be in bed by the time she did. so i encouraged the boys not to take more than " 1 for d road". we briskly drove to the Bernabeu'( Adisa's house), we got in at 12.30am.
At dawn, Jigga got up and headed to lekki, i got out of Bed and headed to the nearest Aboki's shop. I met Jigga outside, looking in Awe at His Camry. The boys Had tried to open his Camry!!!! the locks had been tampered with. I told him to be grateful to the most High it wasn't more than that.
At 12.45pm when i tried to open the boot to load up some items my boo and i had been shopping for, i realized the same bastards that tried to open Jigga's car, tried to open mine. We parked side by side at the Bernabeu'.
Those fools. As i said before, only 3 people can open her. That night as is with all other nights i didnt't lock the doors. I haven't in almost a year, but you're welcome to try and open her. Those Numbskulls tried and failed.
The bloody thick-witted loosers, jacked both doors and the boot in frustration at Slama's impregnable status, not knowing that she wasn't actually locked!!!!
As it is with all German made stuff, they have a way of Standing their own!!!! Slama i love you. Thanks for keeping the code!!!!

Shot Down!!!!!

Its a Nissan Sunny, 1986 model in Dollar bill color. Rickety, nothing special about it and definitely not worth writing about. its 5.30 am. I'm on y way to my Boo's place as we have some where on the other side of town that we have to be. I'm at Orile, there's a bit of traffic building up. I sight 'em, "the boys in blue". my heart begins to palpitate faster as i still have not made another set of Complete vehicle papers( in case i have to drive off again,"Guts and Glory").
The 'Sunny' guy honks for a Bus trying to get in on his lane and that catches the attention of the "Popo" constable who then Flags him to pull over, apparently sighting something in the back seat of the 'Sunny'. The Sunny guy refuses and the constable shouts and calls on his Armed colleague on watch who jumps right in front of the slowly moving Sunny pointing an AK 47 right at him. screaming and shouting "Park... Park!!!!! The constable reaches for the back door trying to open it, he succeeds. The "Sunny" guy while driving.. reaches back and Slams shut the door. The Armed "Popo" probably frustrated by the back and forth game corks the AK 47, at this point i have since caused a long traffic Jam as i have stopped following the 'Sunny' guy Bumper to Bumper, creating a distance of about a trailers length between myself and Him.
I thought i was going to witness an un-warranted and unprovoked Police shooting.
I hear "Clunk- Clunk" the sound of the AK 47 trigger. Yes, He fires right at the "Sunny" guy!!!!
He, myself, the Sunny guy and all who witnessed it were amazed as the rifle didn't release its lethal bullets.... the Sunny guy revs up his engine and aims right for his legs... Of course he leaps right out of the Sunny guy's path as he screeches off( the move was similar to Usain Bolt's Leap), while the constable tries to Baton down his Side mirrors and his rear windows( Naija Police!!!)
It was not the sighting all who were present thought it would be, either due to Gun Jam or there being no bullets in the Rifle( maybe even Jazz). As the Sunny guy made a move that could have rendered his day anything but Sunny......

Guts and Glory!!!!!

Arriving at an intersection, slowing down, I see the reflective jackets of 1,2,3,4 it’s a complete squad of the “popo” (the boys in blue, or black as the case may be). I pull up to them, I’m flagged down and they request for my “papers”. I reach into the glove compartment and hand the papers over to Emmanuel. (I could tell from his name tag on his uniform). He flips through the mount of papers and asks “where is your road worthiness paper”? I begin to loose my cool at that point and I ask what the F**K is Road worthiness? Is that not the F**KN same as MOT? (My huge eye balls were already flaming red at that point). He eye balls me, flips back and forth through the papers and locates the ‘expired’ MOT papers.

Yes’ they were expired, they had been for over a year. He then puts the mount of papers in my face and says ‘they’re expired’. He follows with the very familiar statement, ‘you need to follow me back to the station’. (I knew the game was up so I started to think fast). I said in a really harsh tone, the expired papers must be a mistake, (I quickly look around and identify that none of them are armed). He then insists we go to the station. I Hiss really loudly, I start Slama (she refuses to start the 1^st time) I slap her into drive and zoom off ever so lazily.

Yeah, I did, I left all the papers with Emmanuel. I had a secret of my own though, I have two sets of papers in my car at all times. I knew such a day would come and I was prepared.

I was guilty of driving with expired MOT papers, but Emmanuel as is the case with most Law enforcement agents in Nigeria are guilty of playing on the fact that most Nigerians don’t know what the law says regarding most traffic offences. A few weeks earlier, Fashola gave an order that no 1 should be arrested on any MOT related issue. (Because most MOT certificates were being faked). Instead, such a person should be ordered to visit a genuine test centre to obtain a new certificate. I knew this so I knew Emmanuel was just “boboin”. He knew from the beginning that my MOT papers were expired, but just to obtain more money from me (MOT certificates are obtained for a mere 1grand) he called it Road worthiness!!!! What he didn’t know was that I knew all the names of all papers a car is supposed to have. I knew from having been caught by road safety, VIO, Lastma, Highway patrol, traffic warden a.k.a yellow fever when I was still driving ‘Lord Lugard’ (my Dad’s old 520 Bmer, that car didn’t have 1 registered paper).

Yeah, I was experienced and Emmanuel didn’t see that coming!!!!!

What's This????

Honda Released images of its 2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD. Having a SOHC V6, Churning out 271Bhp. All wheel drive 5 Speed Automatic gearbox.

2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD


2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD Front view
its supposed to cater for the family that travels heavy. (i thought the CRV was doing a good job of catering to this category?)

2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD Rear View


2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD Side view

2010 Accord Crosstour 4WD Trunk
This hideous vehicle is supposed to tackle the Toyota venza

Toyota Venza

No no no no Honda this is a no winner!!!!!!!!!

DUI

Driving under the influence: A very serious offence in the US and Uk. An offence we get off so easily all the time in Nigeria. I’m getting set for a major event in a couple of weeks and as such I need to see my Boo every Saturday. To beat Traffic in Lekki, I leave home before 7am. I’ve noticed that at jakande and Chevron roundabout’s there’s always some ‘new’ car that’s had an accident from the previous Friday night every Saturday when I’m driving out. It never occurred to me what might have been the cause( though it follows a pattern, every Friday-Sat) until recently.

I was at an Ex-room mate’s baby(s) naming Ceremony. A lot of old friends turned up, and there was a lot to eat and “DRINK”, good music was also in abundance. (Ingredients for a great party, and recipe for DUI’ing). By the time I was about leaving, I noticed a friend of mine was ‘unusually’ happy. I walked up to him and said dude how many bottles you got? He responded, 5. Woooooo!!!! This guy normally takes 2 bottles and he’s done. Today he’d done 5 and he’s going to be driving home. I wished him well, got into Slama and drove home.

The following Monday, we were chatting online and he tells me of how he almost crashes in Maryland and how he eventually crashed into a kerb somewhere (he doesn’t recollect where till this time), damaging his Tie Rod and wheel in the process. Total repair cost stood at 7500. (He swore never to drink after this incident) It was at that point it occurred to me. All the accidents I’d seen every Saturday were caused by the bottle!!!! (too much flexing from ‘Friday’ night).

I’ve often wondered why alcohol always makes you feel like you’re Michael Schumacher when you’re under the influence and you’re behind the wheel? It’s a good feeling, it takes you to another level and gives you a connection to the car that you might otherwise not have. At the least when things go wrong due to the ‘influence’ it can cost you a Hangover. Going up the ladder, it can cost you your hard earned cash, further up the ladder it can cost a life.

It’s a serious issue that best be not toyed with not unless you’re "2 lips", the "CEO of L.A.Y Records" or "Ogunmodede a.k.a Bullet head". These three gentle men have mastered the rare ART of drinking and driving (their Livers, Kidneys have no connection to their brain cells once they’re going to drive after drinking). They are unique. They’re ‘gods’. For mere mortals like you and I, if you’re going to drink, don’t drive and if you’re going to drive, don’t drink!!!!!!!

The Joker

With every chance in the world of fuel hitting a 100+ Naira in only a few weeks, you’ll be making more stops to the Fuel station, or you’ll review what you spend weekly on fuel or you’ll just go out less.

Either way, it’s an unwelcome development. There are a few ways to ensure you reduce the frequency with which you’ll be making stops at the fuel station and they’re listed below:

1. Loose Weight: I don’t mean you: your car. Take out anything of no Mechanical importance. i.e. your wheel covers, floor mats, CD pack, umbrella, newspapers, shoes etc. Any additional weight to the weight of the car affects the fuel consumption. If you offer lift to people, STOP!!!
2. Use the AC less: Factory fitted or not, the use of AC increases fuel consumption. The reason simply being the engine is made to do more work when the AC is turned on. Its not a question of that “the manufacturers would have factored that value in”. it’s a case of you can lift two buckets up a stair case, if you lift one and another instance you lift two, which would you have spent more energy?
3. Keep those windows wound up: on hot days this is near impossible, but on cold mornings and evenings, you’d save some fuel by keeping your windows up. Especially when you’re cruising on the highway. Wind drag causes the car to do more work. When the windows are up, the vehicle cuts through air with less drag doing less work and consuming less fuel in the process.
4. Cruise control: what this does is to ensure your car maintains a constant speed. Fluctuating between speed values makes the engine work harder. It’s like an early morning road walk where you run, walk, and jog as against one where you maintain a constant jogging pace. You’ll achieve a longer distance without tiring yourself out. Ensure you keep the car fixed at a certain speed as much as possible.
5. Go slower: the more you open the Taps (throttle) the more fuel gets sent to the engine, the more you burn, the more you visit the petrol station. You’ll get to your destination a bit later but you’ll save up that time by visiting the fuel station less.
6. Have regular Service: that engine will definitely not give you the kind of economy you seek if the car is poorly maintained. Ensure you make scheduled trips to the Service garage.
7. Tyres: under inflated tyres are a means by which you’ll loose out on the fuel game. Under inflated tyres cause excessive drag causing more fuel to be burnt. However, do ensure that your tyres are not over inflated as this can lead to a noticeably harsher ride and cause excessive thread wear.

Super cool Avensis

What you have here, is Lexus’s interpretation of the dismal looking 09 Toyota Avensis. Called Lexus HS250h. The h representing Hybrid: it’s basically an Avensis with an electric motor. It does have the usual Lexus plush ness. A cool gizmo which it has the mouse like control feature in the centre stack.

It achieves a real world 35mpg. Its one Lexus I wouldn’t mind owning