Topgear Vs. Pimp my ride

Having a blog affords me the opportunity to interact with a lot of people on car matters. There’s a question I detest most among all the frequent questions I ever get asked. What can I do to Pimp my Ride?
People often say Nigerians Love cars, that Nigerians drive some of the choicest cars in the world. If I’m sitting whenever I hear that comment I always fall back into my seat( I get weak from hearing that sort of biased, mis-guided and un-informed comment). Now let me ask how many times have you ever seen a Ferrari in this country, any Ferrari at all? Ok, how about a Lamborghini? an Aston Martin? an SLR McLaren? In all my many years crisscrossing Nigeria, I have only come across 1 ferrari and it was 360 Modena. (That means old) it’s since been replaced by the 430 and even that’s been replaced by the 458 Italia.


Topgear or Pimp my ride, who takes it?

Now how do we arrive at the “we drive the baddest cars in Africa” notion come from? I’ll tell you where. It’s from that Lame program called Pimp my ride. Yep you heard me right. The only thing good on that show is the Host. Xhibit hosts the show and is one of my greatest rappers of all time and its no suprise he was recruited to make a lame program cool. The show focuses on restoring beat down, low end scraps to much more "fly" condition. But what do they succeed in doing, they add more gadgets in the form of all manner of LCD screens, sub woofers that weigh more than the moon and rims that are bigger than Mars on these cars and then do little to offset the additional weight burden with more power.
Now a real Car show should focus on the CARS. Cars by their very nature are meant to be driven. So any enhancement to these cars on any show should aid their drivability. Mercedes spends a million pounds a day on research and development!!!!!!!!!!!!! So how on earth do you think a 2 bit part builder from some obscure part of the earth will make a part that could replace one developed with that kind of budget?????
That’s why I love Topgear. It’s hosted by a bunch of Middle aged English men who clown around all day with all sorts of toilet humour and Judge a car based on its performance, its connection with the driver and how much soul it has. Any episode on Topgear that involves restoring a car, the 1st thing that is done is to up the power, reduce the weight and fit bigger brake discs that help with slowing the car down, Pimp my ride would add winged doors(more weight), LCD+mega speakers+sub woofers+huge rims; fitting huge rims on cars are cool but have you asked what it does to the driving dynamics of the car? Well 1st up is this, bigger rims no matter what they’re made from means more weight. Now because you’re just tweaking the rims alone, you have to still fit that rim into the same wheel well as the former one, it means you have to use low profile tyres (remember fities line “low pro’s so it looks like I’m riding on blades”), that then means your tyres have a smaller side wall. The side walls help in absorbing some of the harsh surfaces on our roads. What you’ve simply done is take that part of the dampening effect out making your car more noisy, 1000times more uncomfortable and finally because we have such bad roads, you’ve sunk a well in your pocket because our bad roads will tear up your “low pros” like Jigga tears up a Biggie( remember that the next time you watch Pimp my ride). Ask MTN big boy Gboyega why he took out his 22” rims from his Murano
Before you ever consider "Pimping your ride", please put it in a road worthy condition deserving of a 100% and then if the thought of it crosses your mind be sure not to call me.................
With that point made, I award the car show award to Topgear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omtis Celebrates

Homo sapiens by nature are built to associate. When I was in the university I belonged to a group of noble men called the 3 musketeers (well we became 4 after inducting 1 more member). We were Yemi Coker, Henry Egbunike, Biodun Elemide and the inducted member was Eyinaya Mbagwu. Our sole aim was freeing men from the depression associated with studying Zoology and just having a really good time.
By that same association I was talking about, I became and inducted member of OMTIS, to which my brother was one founding members. They stood to for the cause that man’s true identity could be traced to the bottle. In reality they were a bunch of mutants whose threshold for alcohol was so high very few souls rarely saw them get to their limits. (My induction ceremony was a nightmare)
On sat the 6th of November we ushered one of the last few single members of OMTIS into marriage. Wola Oyesoro was getting married to Moradeyo Adeyemi.

Shevshenko& Wola


From L-R: G. o gbo, Vas1, Wola, Jigga

When OMTIS gathers for any occasion you’re guaranteed to find 2 things, Beer and lots of cars. I got an opportunity to drive for myself 3 cars, the new series Toyota Camry, the 2003 Nissan Xterra and Jigga’s own speeder.
The Toyota camry owned by G.O gbo, was really a sweet car, it came with leather seats, steering mounted controls for the audio system, cruise control and a really cool feature that adjusts the audio system to match the engine noise as you increase speed on the highway thereby ensuring engine noise never drowns whatever it is you’re listening to. It also came with Toyota’s in line 4 Cylinder engine. What that means is that you get 30MPG which is great for your wallet and 169HP. unfortunately as a driver’s car; you might want to sacrifice those MPG values for the 6 cylinder engine putting out 268HP. There is such a long delay between stamping flat on the accelerator and that throw back feeling into the seat I experience everytime in Jigga’s (penciled eye) camry. It makes you hesitate when you want to instantly overtake. Other than the lack of power the camry has so much rear room you can throw a party in the back seat.
After driving the Xterra it further stengtened my belief that bigger isn’t always better. The Xterra had a 3.5L v6 that was eager to go. The ride height was so high up that I felt I was driving a 10 storey building and the hood was so long that it felt I was driving from the back seat of Slama. I have always said short of driving an X5, or a Porsche Cayyene all other SUV’s were nothing more refined than a Toyota Hilux. The Xterra proved this. The Suspension was so out of date hat it felt I was driving a dinosaur. It could do only 1 thing, go in a straight line and that wasn’t even very fast. Avoiding any of the potholes on ikorodu road at top speed was met with so much dip and dive that I wonder why anyone would ever buy any of these relics from prehistoric times.
Jigga’s speeder ofcourse proved itself 1ce more. We attempted to have a go off a green light with a G55 AMG(it packs over 500 hp), we were met with a nothing more than a huge embarrassment. We didn’t even have the decency of seeing the guy’s red light go into the distance. We could only here the sound of that roar from Mercedes 5.5L supercharged beast. Really Jigga’s car proved to be the better of the three from a driver’s perspective. It’s decently fast, which inspires you to throw it harder everytime.
From a realistic point of view, I’d take G.o Gbo’s 2007 Camry. The reason being, it’s newer, and for everyday driving in Lagos it’d be more than sufficient for all the overtaking you’d need to do. Next on my list would be Jigga’s speeder. As a gift I wouldn’t take the Xterra. It’s very thirsty on fuel and I don’t trust the handling one bit.
We all had so much fun at Wola’s wedding ceremony, it was filled with so much Swagg. Happy married life Wola and Moradeyo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!