More and More

More and More was the title track off Joe's famous album "And then". I thought i was Joe's biggest fan till i met my course mate and eventual room mate in the person of SAHIB. I Loved Joe, i still do. My greatest regret was not being to attend any of his shows when he came to Nigeria. If you listen to the Song "More and More" you will get a sense that enough was just about sufficient but Joe wanted an over the top sexual experience.

Hennessey venom GT

For several years i have touted the Germans as being the best at making cars. The Bugatti Veyron super sport which is at heart a German car was the fastest production car till it was upstaged by some drunk car manufacturer in the form Hennessey venom GT. The excess speed comes from pumped off versions of the original cars packing extra horses.

Bugatti Veyron super sport


This extra horse power madness has been dragged right across the street to 4 door saloon cars. Let me put some perspective to this, the Toyota Camry 2007 model 4 cylinder engine has 158hp. For most of you out there, you will never clock out the maximum speed limit. The cars i shall list below, pack as much as 4 times the amount of power present in the Camry. Do they sit as many as 4 times the number of occupants or have 4 times more doors? The rhetorical response to that is NO.

10. Jaguar XFR-S - 550 HP

9. Cadillac CTS-V - 556 HP

8. BMW M5 / M6 Gran Coupe - 560 HP

7. Audi RS7 - 560 HP

6. Porsche Panamera Turbo S - 570 HP

         

5. Mercedes-Benz E63, S63, CLS63 AMG - 577 HP

4. Rolls-Royce Ghost V-Specification - 593 HP

3. Bentley Continental Flying Spur - 616 HP

2. Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG - 621 HP

1. 2015 Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat: 707 hp

As you can rightly guess my anger stems from 2 successive defeats to the Germans coming from the American camp. it feels like WWII all over again.
Other than winning wars, the Americans aren't really good at any thing else. They're especially terrible at building cars. But when they upstage the Germans in 2 successive battles in less than 2 years, it could only mean one of two things: they've built utterly rubbish cars or they have managed to do the unthinkable, build exceptionally brilliant cars!!!!

5ft 9”

There is a certain calmness that comes with knowing you are above average. Ask any guy out there, the thought of a man falling below average especially in certain “regions” can be a deadly blow to his ego.

My reason for this thought, the Kwazimodo. That’s the name giving to the Lexus ES300 which I recently helped a goon of mine acquire. This will be my third stint with any Lexus. Some say I have a huge bias for Toyota’s luxury line up, in a way I do believe this to be true.

What is clear to me is my grave animosity for bland vehicles. A large percentage if not all Toyota's are built this way. Reliability, economy and least performance are the criteria with Toyota’s are set up on.

2014 Toyota Corolla interior

Lexus on the other hand are set up to be Luxurious and performance driven. In my opinion, Lexus is what every Toyota should have been. Let me highlight a clear example.

interior of 2004 Toyota Camry XLE V6 test car

Interior of 2003 Lexus ES300 test car 

Though separated by a few months by date of manufacture, power on these cars above are clearly identical as highlighted below:

Car	2003 Lexus ES300	2004 Toyota Camry XLE V6
Hp	210	210
Cylinders	6	6

2003 Lexus ES300 test ca

2004 Toyota Camry XLE V6 Test Car

Strangely both owners of these cars are close buddies. The drive and feel of both cars are strangely very similar but widely different.

The Lexus is deafeningly quiet and shifts require you to keep your eyes on the tachometer to know when it happens. The Toyota is more audible and doesn’t like to be pushed around corners a lot. They acceleration on the Lexus is very direct, intense and linear. The Camry goes but you get a sense of it wanting you to put an effort into it.

2003 Lexus ES300 test car

2004 Toyota Camry XLE V6 test car

The picture above should explain the simple difference between these two cars. The item highlighted in RED in the Lexus is called the front strut Bar. It basically acts as an anti-roll bar. It keeps things nice, turgid and neat. This for me is the basic reason the Lexus drives so very well.

Make no mistake, the ES300 doesn’t drive like a BMW 3 series. It also doesn’t drive like a Toyota. But like a Toyota it possesses the ease of mind factor. You know this car will take you out, bring you back home and if it does fail on the open road it won’t cost an arm and a leg to fix.

Friday Night's

Friday nights are always special. Even women of loose virtue expect an increased patronage on Friday nights. So when a former OMTI associate such as myself gets a green card to stay out late on a Friday, you know something is going to go down when I have only just gotten my pay check and I have in my possession a BMW X3 and the company of a Japanese car faithful always looking for a good fight.

2003 Toyota Camry LE

2004 BMW X3 2.5i

In company of the Friday night hang out was General Ologun, a 5ft 8” colleague who had previously raced a co- colleague in his 2001 ML Mercedes till he almost crashed it. General Ologun won that episode. I, being a German car lobbyist could not stand the shame as Capt. Gucchiano was relentlessly battered and pounded on that race home to Ajah.

On my shoulders rested the responsibility of the German bias, this race was before the world cup finals. The Germans had not stamped their name in world matters since WWII. I knew it was going to be a closely fought race and I immediately went on the offensive.I almost ran him off the road of the back stretch coming off water copration Rd into Ligali ayorinde. If I was going to redeem the pride of the Deutschland Capt. Gucchiano had let go to the dogs, I had to employ all kinds of mind tricks. That dangerous and intimidating overtake had signalled the start of the race.

Fast forward to 2 roundabouts later on lekki epe. I had taken the alternative route. The General took the toll. Hazard lights flashing I parked by Marwa round about and knew the General was going to come out all guns blazing. The general misconception in this part of the world is that bigger vehicles and newer vehicles are always going to be faster. You cannot be further from the truth. The chart below should better explain just how close this race was going to be:

	BMW X3 2.5	Toyota Camry LE
Year of Manufacture	04	03
Hp	184	154
Fuel Consumption	17/23 Mpg	24/34 Mpg
Cylinders	6	4
Gears	5	4
0-60 times	8.4	8.6
Curb weight	1814 kg	1425kg
Engine displacement	2.5L	2.4L

 Source
Refrence

Any advantages of 30Hp I had was offset by the almost 400kg additional weight the X3 carried along with it. The flash speed with which I was left with at the roundabout while waiting for the race on the open road, opened up a nearly 5 second lead for the General.

I had driven his measly Camry and I knew it had one fatal flaw; the brakes sucked. Lekki Epe road is now notorious for the number of roundabouts it has. This race was going to be won or lost at one or more of the many roundabouts. I approached the braking zone for the next round about at 140km/H. I watched up ahead as the General tried to brake and his Japanese crap struggled for grip, twerking about like Miley Cyrus on stilettos. I waited late and slowed down, going into the roundabout at 70Km/H. With a gentle flick right and then left and a right foot on the accelerator I was I approaching nearly 100km/H in just a few seconds and I was right on the Generals ass. It was now neck and neck and on the next stretch I had weaved past him thanks in part to good lane prediction and the fact the X3 had a manual Mode. Under hard acceleration, the Bmer would hold gears all the way to its redline before up-shifting. The Camry couldn't do that.

Much more than the raw power the X3 offered, I was mostly impressed by the fact that this here was an SUV that accelerated better than a closely powered car and handled like it was a dream. What killed it for me was the fact that above 150Km/H, there was a deep roar coming from the engine. The last car I heard that from was from Blue angel (a 504 GR), accelerating above a 100Km/H.

By chevron toll gate, I had opened up more than 4 seconds advantage and to kill the race I had to choose the perfect toll booth. I was torn between booth 1 and 4. A last second mind change saw me swerve from booth 1 to 4 at almost 120Km/H and braking very late ensured the race was over. The General could not brake half as hard as i could and he had to offload his weekly scrub bymega chicken bustop.

It wasn’t much of a race beyond this point, I simply like Lewis Hamilton in the last British Gran Prix had to nurse the X3 home.

Stealth Bomber

The might of the American CIA stems from its agents being able to move about and mingle with its target in a rather inconspicuous manner. A bunch of highly trained individuals watching over their target sometimes for moths and years without their 'prey' ever having a whim of just what danger lies ahead.

The C280 Elegance 2000 model fits the description above perfectly. A deadly weapon that is totally underrated. In today's Nigeria, driving a Mercedes of any sort is a rare privilege. Unlikely as is the case of a repeated thunder strike at the exact same spot, it sometimes happens. I get a chance to drive what i consider to be the best value for 'money car' in Nigeria, The 95-2000 generation C class. 

C280 Elegance

This weeks test car packs a 2.8L V6 with a punchy 194Hp**Just about the same power as a  V6 2000 Camry or Baby boy**, a 5speed automatic transmission, 1 touch up/down power windows, Central Lock, cloth seats and 1 button touch rear head rests recliners. Mercedes Benz made the internal combustion engine, technically it means they made what we know as cars. That edge is still evident even after 1 century.

Mercedes Benz C Class Elegance 2.8L V6

Key Fob

Entry to the car is strictly via remote access. in the event, the battery's in the remote access suddenly goes dead, there's a key embedded in the Key fob with which you may open the drivers door after which you slide the Fob into the slot and turn lightly. You'll be greeted with the sound of a pleasantly sounding V6. Shifts between positions are short and precise. Proponents of weight loss should buy this car. It takes a fair amount of effort to actually depress the accelerator pedal. Unintended acceleration which plagued Toyota a few years back can never exist in this Merc, a reasonable amount of effort is need to get the accelerator pedal to travel any distance.

When last did you drive any car with this sort of pedals?

Flooring the accelerator pedal is a very rewarding experience. You're thrown back into your seats that grip you rather well and you suddenly are hurled towards the horizon. The acceleration in this car is very, very potent. As fast as you can say GEJ, you're already over a 100Km/H. Stopping is probably more fun, Mercedes has spared no expense to fit very good brakes on it. You get a definite reassuring feel that these brakes can be called on time after time.

Verdict: Great value. Cheap to purchase and affordable to run.A registered very well used model goes for about 600,000 naira
Pros: loads of power, great handling
Cons: Tiny glove box

Puny Glove box

Lunch break

A typical lunch break for almost every lagosian on paid employment in VI/Ikoyi, involves hitting the lunch room and eating some overtly expensive meal and rushing back to your desk all within ‘the hour’. When your lunch break permits you doing something else you love so much, chances are that you have the best job in the world.

My lunch break on for the last day of the 1^st month of 2013 involved reviewing a 2007 Toyota Highlander Hybrid. G.O Gbo showed up at my office around mid day after a prior engagement with his entry level spec’d Highlander. It had Toyota’s 3.3L V6 mated to an electric motor, milk colour cloth seats and a 6CD stereo system with steering mounted controls. I’d never driven a hybrid ever, so needless to say I was excited!!!!

2007 Highlander Hybrid

Hybrid logo

1^st time starting the car leaves everyone who attempts it embarrassed. Cranking up the engine a the turn of the key is made with an electric motor. It leaves you confused as you would expect from driving a conventional petrol engine at start up, some kick off noise. Slide from P-D and u aren’t even sure if the car is on, switch on the AC though, and the petrol engine comes alive. The car makes use of a drive by wire system, so throttle modulation takes a lil getting used to.

I eagerly waded through Ligali’s traffic as we left the car park letting the battery power the car; we were soon gonna be on water corporation road where at 1.30pm, I knew I’d have a few seconds to experience just how much power lurked underneath the hood. I finally get my chance and my fat right foot flattens the throttle; Gbo is thrown back into his seat and boy did that needle climb!!! **why do people hate the prius**??? This is 1 hybrid I can own. Power is smooth, linear and instantaneous.  Unfortunately, all this power is routed through a CVT box, so I panic when at 130Km/H I’m still waiting for 2^nd gear to kick in. I now understand why several Murano owners drive so ever slowly on the road. It’s a very uncomfortable and un-nerving sensation which goes against every known feeling you’ve ever felt behind the wheel or in a car. It’s a continuous long hum that never seems to end.

Hybrid Synergy Drive

My joy ride is cut short as I approach 150km’H by a sluggish Range Rover Vogue coasting at about 40Km/H. not being a dual carriage way I am mandated to call on the brakes that happen to use regenerative technology felt very spongy** like you had loads of air in the servo** for the 1^st second or there about, you get the feeling the car wont stop. Just when you’re about to freak out, you actually feel the car coming to a halt.

The on board trip computer returned a fuel consumption average of 16MPG in real hard world use*EPA ratings are 28MPG*. In comparison to a friend’s Murano with a trip computer average of 9MPG, this baby is alright.

Verdict; The Toyota Highlander Hybrid for 2007 provides a different approach to building a hybrid car. It has loads of power. Engine start and stop are barely noticeable.

Would I buy1: YES. With a return MPG of 16, it’s a nice way to join the trending Eco green party

Backstab

By the end of the year, a large percentage of migrant residents in Lagos are expected to have relocated to their villages. This is in no small measure due to our dear Governor BRF.

In BRF’s bid to ‘sanitize’ Lagos, 1^st came the new traffic laws, then the okada ban and a rumoured TV and Radio license for every Lagosian who owns the aforementioned device is expected to purchase. As much as I hate to admit it, I dare say especially the Okada ban has worked. i.e. “there aren’t any bikes left on the roads of Lagos”. It was so harsh for those of us working on the island that my very dear colleague had to go and buy a car!!!!

I have always insisted that we do things half measure in Nigeria, otherwise, how do you explain how it’s illegal to drive and eat and it isn’t for a lady to drive and make up??? Which requires more concentration? Its difficult enough to get women to drive as well as they can, which isn’t much anyway. when combined with the task of squinting into a 3” headliner mirror while driving on the ever busy Lagos roads you simply invite chaos.The bans have in no way made driving on our roads more secure or reduced the carnage on Lagos roads.

As far as this new ‘sanitation’ bro-haha goes its lip service. Its little surprise though, BRF campaigned on Lagos roads with the same bunch who massively supported him*integrity check*.

BRF and the ghost riders

If we ever had leaders and not rulers that listened, they’d know that what needs to be done is to provide infrastructure and not ban or make illegal every single item in the state.