The Madness going on!!!!!!!!!!!

10, Adeboye ELemide Street, that’s the location where my Dad sighted his “Castle”. Pretty serene neighborhood, safe (except we got robbed just once, I was slapped to silly that day). Growing up in a neighborhood that’s quiet and peaceful somehow shapes your preference for a location when you’re about to make your own family.
I attended the University of Ibadan, served in Bauchi state and got a Job working with a multinational company in Sagamu. I was there for 2 years before relocating back to Lagos. Upon my return to Lagos, I stayed with Jigga in Lekki by the Sea side at alfa beach. It was a natural Habitat for me. It was peaceful, quiet and very safe Neighborhood. Everywhere I had stayed in prior to that time was relatively similar. I was so settled in that losing a house in Gbagada and getting one in Ajah did’nt seem like mch of a disappointment to me.
On a terrible day, the journey to work and back while I was at alfa beach (alfa beach is closer to Vi where I work than Ajah) lasted no more than 1.45mins (now, 3 hours seems the best time you can achieve). The reason, the ongoing repair of the lekki road by the state Govt. a project overseen by Lekki Concession Company (LCC) and construction work carried out by Hitech. The Job, expansion of the existing 2 lane road to a 3 lane road, the length of road, no more than 30Km to Ajah from VI, the duration of the project thus far, over 4 years!!!!! Going by the pro’s, of staying on the island, it’s been bearable; Spending close to 2 hours getting to and from work. It’s been hard but bearable.
I’m a firm believer that we take a lot for granted in this country and that we have little or no value for life. You want examples, the carnage that happened so very recently around the Berger axis of Lagos. A trailer lost control, rammed into a bunch of cars. Over 20 people died. How did this happen? Unconfirmed reports say that road blocks set up by police to collect 20 naira suddenly stopped a car; he slammed on the brakes… a pile up ensued!!!! How did the police men collecting 20 naira at the scene respond? They shot sporadically in the air and sped off. There are countless examples, so to save your time and mine, I’ll move on.
The said lekki road was constructed 28 years ago. An addition of just one lane is going on now, and over a distance of just under 30Km, there will be 3 Toll collection points!!!! The reason, LCC needs to recoup the money spent on constructing the road!!! The duration of collection, 30 years!!!!! The most annoying thing is this; these loosers constructing the road are backed by the Govt of the day!!!!! After suffering untold hardship, for such a long time, upon completion of the road, the hardship continues in the form of paying the Toll for most people, till they die!!!!!
The reason for my anger you might ask? I pay my F**Kn taxes. How do I explain the logic of this action by the govt supposedly elected into office by the citizens to my kids? Look around you, even in West Africa, the rest of the world is moving on. Today if a Governor constructs any stretch of road, you’re sure to find a Bill board of him somewhere along it, or in the dailies commemorating the achievement!!!!! These are basic amenities and if in 2010, we celebrate such in this country, it only tells you how far behind we are.
There’s a popluar saying that goes, a people only get the kind of leaders they deserve. I’m afraid it’s true in the case of Nigeria, because we celebrate Mediocrity in this country… and don’t even go there by asking “what would he do if he were there”? That’s the very tactic that’s been used to keep us so backward for so freaking long!!!!!!
Nigeria turns 50 in just under a month, what’s with all the money being borrowed for the massive celebration? It’s sad, what will you tell your kids if they ever ask, “Dad, why didn’t you do something”?

Road Rage

At the peak of his Career, Toni Tetuila did a song called “u don hit my car”. If you live in Lagos, I’m pretty sure you know what follows after hitting some1’s car? It’s almost always ends in a fight. The medical term for this behavior is called Road Rage and it’s defined as an aggressive or angry behavior by a driver of an automobile or other motor vehicle. It’s characterized by rude gestures, verbal insults, deliberately driving in an unsafe or threatening manner, or making threats. Drivers who suffer from this condition usually flare up and become un-usually angry while driving on the road, not letting anyone or anything get in their way even when the right of way is clearly not theirs.

I'm gonna bash your face in

If you’ve ever responded in any of the following manner below on the road, you most likely suffer from Road Rage:
• Generally aggressive driving, including sudden acceleration, braking, and close tailgating.
• Cutting others off in a lane, or deliberately preventing someone from merging.
• Sounding the vehicle's horn in intimidating or threatening melodies.
• Flashing lights excessively.
• Yelling or exhibiting disruptive behavior at roadside establishments.
• Driving at high speeds in the median of a highway to terrify drivers in both lanes.

I say this a dozen times on the way home
• Rude gestures (such as "the finger", or "mean face").
• Shouting verbal abuses or threats.
• Intentionally causing a collision between vehicles.
• Hitting other vehicles.
• Exiting the car to attempt to start confrontations, including striking other vehicles with an object.
• Threatening to use or using a firearm or other deadly weapon.
• Throwing projectiles from a moving vehicle with the intent of damaging other vehicles.

Well it’s safe to say then that almost every driver in Lagos suffers from Road Rage.


A lady flipping someone off
Here are a few ways of dealing with Road Rage;
• Get sufficient sleep. Quite a good number of people in this town sleep less than 5hours a day!!! Small wonder they get pissed off so easily.
• Plan ahead. If you meant to get to work at 7.30am, you need to incorporate the extra amount of time you’ll spend in traffic to get there. So get everything you’ll need the night before.
• Don’t take your anger out on the road. If your boss got you really angry back at the office, please leave the anger there. Do not take it out on the next fellow whose spouse probably pissed off and is trying to contain it.
• Turn down the music. It’s believed that loud and aggressive music influences our driving style. If you feel a rage coming on, listen to some Michael Bolton songs or I-FM
• Breathe in and out. Martin Lawrence tried same in the Bad boy’s sequel. He’d been under pressure from work and his therapist advised he tries the breathing technique.
• Pray every morning before leaving your house. There are a lot of really messed up people out there. People who have problems you cannot imagine!!!!!!!!!!!! Your prayer should always be that you never come across such people.

Half full-half empty

If the glass below appears to you as half full you may not agree with my next comment; not having a car does have its perks. You’re never sure of just how you’ll get home. You do know you will but you’re not sure how. As Jigga always says, no1 ever sleeps at the bus stop!!!!
It seemed like any other day. I’d hitch a ride to about 70% of the way home then fly a bike for the rest of it. It was panning out to be one of such days, the sky had turned really dark and it looked like I was gonna be beaten blue-black by the rain which was coming fast. As I got out of the Car, I stood briefly at the bus-stop. The Okada guys had hiked up the fares because of the rains which were fast approaching. I couldn’t even get one to take me home.
From the back ground I heard the rumbling sound of what was clearly a monster!!!! It was a Power Bike, in retrospect I don’t know if it was the fear of being drenched, I flagged the biker down as he was about to get on to the Highway( I naturally have a fear of bikes, I’ve had 2 bikes accidents, the last one less than 2years ago) . I said dude, can I go with you? He nodded yes and revved the Engine so violently… oh my, I was scared!!!! In my state of confusion about getting on the bike or not, 1 other skinny chap waiting for a bus or something said “chairman if you no wan enter commot make I follow the guy”.
I needed no other push, I got on the Bike and ohhh my!!!!! It was to be the most Adrenaline filled 5 minutes of my Life!!!!! It was a 500CC Honda bike. It clocked out at 280Km and the engine Revved all the way to 14,000 RPM. Just to give you an idea of how mad the engine revved, take a look at the next car you get into, it’s not going to rev past 7000 RPM before it red lines. This bike was a screamer and so did I also scream all the way till I got off. In less than 5 seconds we were already doing 180KM/ hour on a stretch of road that a regular car will struggle to attain 100Km/ hour.
This bike had more gears than D-Banj has sun glasses. As if the biker knew it was my 1st time on a power bike, he was riding like he was mad, overtaking everything in eye’s sight!!!! Leaning from the left to right, the bike pitched and dived as he got of the clutch to the brakes and back again. I’ve been in quite a number of cars, some fast some slow, some really fast. But nothing has the kind of acceleration this thing had!!!! It’s got to be illegal???
I can confidently tell you, that short of owning a Lamborgini Murceilago LP 670-4SV, there’s nothing that can accelerate that fast. I was still screaming by the time we got to my stop and didn’t stop for another couple of minutes… it was a pleasant one….. I loved Slama, but I’m glad she’s gone. Only your exit could’ve paved the way for such a mad and obscene ride!!!!!

Blow out

Blow out may be defined as a sudden escape of a confined gas or liquid. As a driver, there are a few things you’re never trained for and one of them is a ‘blow out’. For me it was a much more cold experience than a robbery incident that had a pistol jammed right in my stomach. It can be a scary experience and often you see your life flash right past you as you hear the loud deafening sound of your tires as they rip to pieces and you struggle to bring your car to a stop. You remember every movie you’ve seen where someone lost a tyre and the car somersaulted.
The most common causes of blow out’s are usually aging tire’s. Experts say that the life span of a tyre is 4 years from its date of manufacture!!!!! In a country where we have challenging roads it’s safe to say that this value must be lower here. Our roads do make our cars take a beating and the tire’s which connects cars to the roads must suffer the worst of it. Incorrect tyre pressure, worn tires from alignment issues also aid blow outs.

Blow out on a 4x4 vehicle
I was lucky as the Blow out I experienced (twice) was below a 60Km/ hour and at both times the rear tires were lost. My brother, Jigga had his at a much more interesting speed of a 110Km/ hour. He’d been travelling at 170Km /hour but felt the need to reduce his speed. That must’ve been God speaking to him. He recalls that as he dropped to 110km/ hour, he saw his left rear tyre explode and rip to pieces in his rear view mirror. He said it was like time had been slowed down. All he remembered at that point was that our Dad said don’t stamp on the brakes…don’t stamp on the brakes if you ever have a blow out.

High speed blow out on a Ferrari
Normal braking requires an even distribution of brake force in the car, when you experience a blow out, the brake force is no longer uniform as the tyre that has lost pressure from the escaping air will not find traction. This is made worse when the driver stamps on the brakes. The car simply loses control and depending on the road speed and tyre in question, you may somersault!!!!
In the event of a blow out;
1st thing you should do is not to panic.
2nd do not step on the brakes. (Your natural instinct is to brake…DON’T)
3rd grab your steering wheel with both hands.
4th take your foot off the accelerator.
5th look for the clearest stretch of road ahead of you and point the car in that direction
6th let the car coast to a stop (let it come to a stop on its own)
7th put up the necessary caution signs and change to your spare (hope fully you’d have 1)
Its essential to bear in mind that as you service your engine at intervals, tyre maintenance is also a must and should not be left to road side vulcanizers. This must be done at a service station where the alignment and wheel balance is checked by professionals( i and Jigga once met a road side vulcanizer who swore he could simply by looking at your tires set it to the right pressure). If you suffer an engine failure from neglect, you most likely will survive it, a tyre failure from Neglect? Well I don’t know..........

Be Smart

Slama bowed out of my possession in the week just passed. As a result of our very un-reliable transportation system in this country I’ve had to hitch a ride with anyone heading my way. On one of such trips home I got into an argument with the occupant of the vehicle I was in. Namely Jigga and one Igbo Boy.
The loud mouthed Igbo Boy made a very offensive comment. He said if he were in a Discussion continues (Honda Accord 2005) and someone pulled up to him in a Skoda Octavia, He’d laugh real silly at the Octavia guy. Needless to say, I was angered by his comments as this is the Lame, un-informed and un-spirited loyalty that makes cars like Honda and Toyota’s so very expensive the world over.

Skoda superb

Toyota Camry
How did Honda and Toyota achieve their reputation for reliability? : By building cheap and dependable cars spanning over 60years. So what is so funny when an Auto Company with a humble background (19 years since Vw’s owned Skoda) that makes sensible cars so funny? I promised him that other than my love for German cars I’d prove him wrong with Statistics.
The Following day I got digging and got the following:

The figures speak for themselves, in a previous article the reason people are killing themselves for certain brands isn’t because they like them it’s because others are buying them. At 3million Naira the 1.6MPI Octavia is more than a worthy bargain. It’s as far as I’m concerned a better car than the Corolla (I didn’t even bother getting the cost of the corolla just to show you how confident I am)
Let’s also keep in clear perspective that Toyota isn’t as reliable as it used to be. According to caranddriver.com, Toyota lost the Accord/Camry battle with the launch of the last generation Accord. A record it held for the previous 5 generations. Then there’s the UIA, un-intended acceleration that a good portion of Toyota’s line suffered which led to a world-wide recall ( I don’t remember any Toyota’s being recalled in Nigeria).
On a final note, let’s not get carried away by the success of the day, else you risk loosing it to harder, more committed and ever dynamic competitors. The winner here by any milestone is clearly the Skoda, even demonstrated by its Superb name.

Want more power????

Man’s quest for power ultimately sent Him out of the Garden of Eden, when he sought knowledge what he actually sought was power. The race for power is ever evident in the auto industry as with most manufacturers that have products in same groups tend to out-do each other with almost every model they release. BMW’s M3 and Audi’s RS4 are typically good examples.
The power war between the car giants is worse than what ensued between OBJ and Atiku in the last dispensation. These brilliant car manufacturers have arrived at the pinnacle of this battle by various means; vehicular weight reduction, improved aero dynamics and advances in engine design with stuffs like direct injection. But one common denominator that is ever present in almost every car that chooses to go berserk on its power numbers is that the engine is always charged up.
If you remember clearly the very 1st memories you’d have of a sports car is the Toyota Supra. It was fast right? The Supra employed one of two available means of charging up an engine, it used the Turbocharger. The other alternative more commonly in use is the Supercharger. Both are basically the same thing just differentiated in the means of achieving their aim.
Basically both turbo and Superchargers are compressors that compress air that is fed to the engine. The advantage of compressing the air is that it lets the engine stuff more air into a cylinder. More air means that more fuel can be stuffed in, too, so you get more power from each explosion in each cylinder. A turbo/supercharged engine produces more power overall than the same engine without the charging.¬

Single scroll Turbocharger

Superchager
The key difference is that the Turbocharger uses waste exhaust gases to drive its turbine while the Supercharger uses a regular belt or chain and pulley system like your alternator or water pump. Turbochargers are actually cheaper to fix and for an engine not producing any boost power increases the efficiency of the engine by atomizing all of the fuel (ensuring no fuel leaves the system un-burnt). The downside is that the power band on the turbo chargers tends to be in the higher rev range of the engine. Meaning that if you need instant power from stand-still, you might not get it; a feeling often described as Turbo Lag. Superchargers have a more linear power curve but actually are more expensive and use up a considerable amount of the engines power. The Super charger on the McLaren Mercedes SLR actually uses up to 126Hp!!!! That’s more than a Corolla puts out.
Engine power is increased by either of these chargers. Sadly fuel consumption also increases, but this is more than a welcome sacrifice for the increased power?

I don't get it!!!!!!

Searching for a worthy replacement for Slama has been a very daunting task. 20 years ago in Nigeria if you had to buy 2 similar cars that were only differentiated by their transmission(manual and Auto) the Manuals were always more expensive because no one wanted a Slush box.Today the story is very different.
Every available web site I’ve been to reflected this new trend. No 1 wants a manual anymore. Almost every car model in the market has an option of Automatic on sale and in a few brands like the Camry; the Auto-box is standard, relegating the manual transmission to an option. One of the rarest manuals you can find is the 99-2001 camry that has a manual transmission.
Thus making that old famous economic principle of Demand and Supply affecting price, markedly true; it is so bad that you can almost not find any Toyota product with Automatic transmission for 300k. If you wanted a manual you’d get, (NICELY). I predicted then that we’d all 1 day buy automatics but I didn’t understand that Nigerians are probably the largest collection of people on earth with the band wagon effect. What pains me most is that I thought people were buying Auto’s because they’d come to understand that this was the right choice (in Lagos we live in traffic, for the working man, we spend close to 4 hours every workday on the road. That’s 17% of our active time!!!! What good is a manual transmission here?) But I just realized that 20 years ago everyone was buying a manual so a new car owner would buy 1. Take the pure water example, there was a time in this country every Tom- dick and harry was into the business. You want another, take web design. There was a time this really horrible car was so popular; the Opel Omega. I was in the university at the time and it was so popular in Oyo state that when the state Government of Lam Adesina was doing some kind of Bonanza for its workers, the car of choice was the Opel Omega.
Let’s leave my examples of cars and go to entertainment, do you remember the time that everything you saw on Nigerian Tv was some kind of Reality show or the other? How did it all start? Some very smart guys brought the apprentice show to Nigeria and whooommm every one Jumped on-board the Reality Tv craze. The problem of Piracy of Nigerian artistes started in a similar way. My secondary school was next door neighbors to traders in Alaba Int’l. A few people left the TV/ video sale business because the market had become overcrowded and decided to go into sales of CD’s. They started off with foreign artistes and today we all know the rest. Big Bros Jiggaman is probably lounging somewhere in the Bahamas while the likes of Raskie watch in Hunger( Really no1 pirates Raskies work, who’d buy it?).
You want a hit in this country, start, pioneer or better still rebrand or repackage a new thing!!!!!!!!

Toyota's Bug

3 years ago when I was shopping for a car, I was what you could call a Nigerian-German. Let me clarify a few things. I knew that the name Mercedes Benz was coined out of Carl Benz’s name and the daughter of a prominent sponsor of Gotlieb Daimler before I was 7 years old. My Dad was a practicing Auto Mechanic. He had a regular 9-5 Job in an oil company (Conoil), but Serviced and repaired his car himself. We took a great liking to Cars at a very early age. And 1ce it was time to buy mine, it was definitely going to be a German Car. I couldn’t afford a 3 series, so I settled for the next best thing. A Golf!!!! The Golf provides a fair balance of Power, reliability, durability, simplicity and it definitely has a Fun factor to it. For me, Performance comes before anything (well I thought so).
Change they say is the only constant thing in Life, within this time I’ve gotten married and strangely I now realize that reliability in a car seems to be a more important factor than performance. The Golf is a really great car (its Volkswagen’s largest volume seller) and I’ve not for 1 bit regretted buying it, but something happened that has set me on a slippery slope. I discovered early in the day that Slama (my Golf) is scared of water like a Dog is. At the slightest site of it, she passes out. This has been made worse now by the constant rains we’ve been experiencing on the Island. Like a Navigation system I plot my movement, keeping clear of places that tend to have drainage issues. This even affected my choice to settle in Ajah over Gbagada!!!!!!
I’ve slid up to the point that I am considering the route that Jigga took, getting a Toyota to replace Slama. 3 years ago, such a thought I would consider to be sacrilege. But I’ve done a bit of research on Toyota’s in Nigeria and discovered that they hold more than 80% of its value after 3 years. i.e you buy a tiny light Camry for 1 million and after 3 years, if you use it well you can still find someone to buy it for 800,000. That’s insane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

07/07/2010

On 07/07/2007 i walked from the Redemption camp to Berger Bustop a distance of Over 50Km's. I had 2 reasons to complete that journey 1, Man-Mekus was throwing a Binge-drinking Party and My colleague was walking the Journey with me. Had i turned around and gone home i'd have been the Laughing stock in my office. James(my colleague) was Skinny, i was Big-bonned( a natural bias was already in place). He's Dad was a Police man and you can be sure some of the Drilling he got at home worked for Him, through the 50Km walk James never looked like he was going to break down. I on the other hand stopped countless number of times,Cursing the people responsible for the traffic on a supposed Expressway. The trafic was out of this world. The reason for it, is better left for another day. Three years after that Horrid day i had a terrifying reminder of just what happens when over 15 million people travel solely on the Road, It rained Elephants and Lions on the 07/07/2010 in VI which got me thinking there's got to be an alternative to us all driving?

The Terrafugia Flying Car
What you see in the video is absolutely real!!!! its called the The Terrafugia flying car. Here are the Stats: The two-seater vehicle uses its front-wheel drive on roads at ordinary highway speeds. But once it arrives at an adequate take off spot, it can extend its wings, take off and glide through the sky at 115 mph.The vehicle can go 460 miles and carry 450 pounds, but requires a runway that is at least a third of a mile long. It fits into a standard-sized garage. This Flying car was created by MIT Engineers!!!! Getting around in Lagos in 1 of these things will be a beauty. From Epe, to Badagry in no time. Nigeria, we're almost 50... we gotta sit up?????

Mileage

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about a possible replacement for Slama and as such I’ve had to go through quite a number of web sites that sell cars in Nigeria and 1 thing I’ve taken away is that Nigerians place emphasis on just how much accessorized the car is; i.e how much its “pimped up” tends to affect the way they negotiate pricing over the actual under the bonnet condition of the car.
Abroad where most used cars come from, Mileage plays a key role in pricing. Mileage in this case is simply the distance which the car has covered in its life span in Miles. The more the Mileage, the lower the price (irrespective of how many DVD screens it has). Out here it seems not to matter?
Very few cars are known to keep all of their components going beyond 250,000 miles (250K miles). A lot of cars sold in this country especially the ones originating from the American continent that are closer to being 10years and above are already over the 100k mileage. Most lie in the 150k mile range. Analysis shows that 3-5% of cars under their 1st 10 years have their mileage adjusted. Most people buy used cars in Nigeria with pricing around the 1 million naira mark (mostly from salary advances). That will get you a car of around 10 years. At an average of 10k miles per annum you’re going to get a car around a 100k miles (most, already have their mileage adjusted and it’s easy to see why. There’s so much self help tool on the internet that teaches you how to adjust your mileage yourself).

A 76,000+ mile car
So if in effect you buy a car with around 150k miles, take a loan of 1 million to pay over 4 years, drive an average of 10k miles a year, you should after 4yrs have pushed your car to the 200k mile mark? So after paying for four years, the vehicle is now in a not very reliable condition. Thanks especially to the not too good roads in Lagos.
So what’s the Sense in all of it, after paying back the Banks loan, you now have a car that’s no good? It’s simple. If you must buy a Toks, buy one that will be good to you after the bank has taken its pound of flesh from you. My advice, buy a damn brand NEW CAR!!!!!!!