Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

The month of December is often characterized with a lot of vehicular and Human traffic especially in the city of Lagos. Lastma is Lagos state Govt's solution to the managing the chaotic traffic situation commuters experience here in Lagos.
Like almost every conceived initiative by Governments in Nigeria, the idea is always terrific, the roll out and implementation leaves a rather disturbing feel about if we can ever do anything right in this country.
While shopping for a Christmas gift for my beautiful wife, i was shocked to find Lastma officials(at 10am) shopping for Perfumes in the same shop as i was!!!!!!!!!!





This shows that all claims of bribery and corruption about this agency is true, or how do you hope to explain the ability of these men to buy perfumes from such an expensive shop with the salary which they are on?
While Fashola and Hitech prepare to milk the residents of Lekki with the Shortest Toll interval in Africa, Lastma boys are preparing for a wonderfully scented smell for Christmas.

Pearl Harbour

It was Pearl Habour all over again, only this time it wasn't the Americans the Japanese bombed to smithereens, it was the Germans. The convoy that represented Omtis and Co. that headed for Ibadan to Attend Sheriff Opeloye's wedding took the Epe-Ijebu Ode route. 4 cars, four different types of drivers all with one purpose, be in Ibadan on time to join their very good friend Shevshenko in celebrating as he leaves bachelor hood behind.



Shev and Zee

Point man was the CEO of LAY records Layi Oke Salako, driving a 1.4L Skoda Fabia a 5 speed manual putting out 75bhp, cleanly followed by Jigga driving the Green Hornet, a 1999 Toyota Camry V6 with 197bhp, Okufi who had as his Co-Pilot; Mad man Dapo Adisa drove a Skoda Octavia MPI, with Tip-tronic transmission putting out 101bhp. whiplash Olasemo dipo drove the Coja BMW 3 series 1.8; BMW's Horse power values are irrelevant because they're so well built a straight 6 BM will out manoeuvre and then out run many V8's.
Such was the convoy line till we got to Epe, where the gas guzzler of the group; the Hornet had to fill its belly. we were pulled over several times by the 'Capable' men of the Nigeria Police who insisted we shared some of our Beer fortune in the trunk with them. we definitely declined and opted to pay a fine of 200card per car.
As we left the coastal town of Epe, Doc. Okufi took point as the fuel sipping Fabia could not just take the pace of the cars behind it. much to the apprehension of a few in the convoy Okufi did excellently well. He was so good that i had to flag him down to slow the pace as the other two cars, the Fabia and the BMW were struggling to keep up. The reason being the road between Epe and Ijebu Ode was really rough and as such there was a lot of braking going, this didn't go down very well with the Fabia and the BMW as they had to shift gears frequently.
The Ijebu Ode- Ibadan leg had a much better stretch of Road, and soon it became a two horse race between the Octavia and the Hornet. The fuel gains Layi experienced during the week in traffic could not compensate for the lack of power on the open stretch of Road. I was Jigga's Co-pilot and i soon became bored and i guess a few others too, Layi took Jigga on the outer lane and was now in pole position 2, we dropped to third. Layi was hungry for bragging rights and soon overtook his bigger and much powerful sibling the octavia to take pole position.
At that point i knew the prefect scene had been drafted to show "there's no replacement for displacement", (though the oldest, Jigga's car had the biggest engine) a tiny stetch of road opened up and in 1 clean swoop JIgga opened the taps and cleaned out the octavia. Layi had gained a little advantage but the lack of real power from that miserly engine failed and with very little effort the green Hornet was back at in front.
The CEO says he was doing 150KM/h when we blew past and at the time i begged Jigga to ease up a bit so we don't get lost as we didn't know the way, he'd clocked 185Km/h.
At that point, there was no rattle and no obvious sign that this green baby could not attain its 220Kmh limit.....
What ever the Japanese have done, they've definitely done very well!!!!!!!
Yo-ishnai, yo ikangnai


From L-R: Jigga, Sheriff, Okufi, Olasemo, Dapo Adisa, Vas1, Jide Nigwo

4 against 2

Ever since my Power bike experience I've developed a new respect for these beasts. This prompted a heated argument between I and a few friends when Kelli showed up in his cruiser. The beef, would the fastest bike in the world outrun the most power production car in the world?
These video's might help make things clearer.

Ducatti Desmosedici vs Ferrari 430 Scuderia


Nissan GTR vs Kawasaki ZX-14

I can make out 1 thing from these videos, on a track (twisty roads), if the power to weight ratios of both bike and car were similar, the bike stands a much better chance of out pacing the car for the simple reason of quicker acceleration. Flat out, the car will eat the Bike up. The reason, Cars always have higher end speeds than Bikes.

The solution to this debacle depending on where you stand is to see a comprehensive test against the fastest and most powerful production car(the Bugatti Veyron) go up against the Kawasaki Ninja ZX -14.
All Bike loving fans shouldn't expect much though as the GTR in the video above has about 1/2 the power output of a Veyron.... pretty sure that wouldn't be a battle!!!!!!!!!

Topgear Vs. Pimp my ride

Having a blog affords me the opportunity to interact with a lot of people on car matters. There’s a question I detest most among all the frequent questions I ever get asked. What can I do to Pimp my Ride?
People often say Nigerians Love cars, that Nigerians drive some of the choicest cars in the world. If I’m sitting whenever I hear that comment I always fall back into my seat( I get weak from hearing that sort of biased, mis-guided and un-informed comment). Now let me ask how many times have you ever seen a Ferrari in this country, any Ferrari at all? Ok, how about a Lamborghini? an Aston Martin? an SLR McLaren? In all my many years crisscrossing Nigeria, I have only come across 1 ferrari and it was 360 Modena. (That means old) it’s since been replaced by the 430 and even that’s been replaced by the 458 Italia.


Topgear or Pimp my ride, who takes it?

Now how do we arrive at the “we drive the baddest cars in Africa” notion come from? I’ll tell you where. It’s from that Lame program called Pimp my ride. Yep you heard me right. The only thing good on that show is the Host. Xhibit hosts the show and is one of my greatest rappers of all time and its no suprise he was recruited to make a lame program cool. The show focuses on restoring beat down, low end scraps to much more "fly" condition. But what do they succeed in doing, they add more gadgets in the form of all manner of LCD screens, sub woofers that weigh more than the moon and rims that are bigger than Mars on these cars and then do little to offset the additional weight burden with more power.
Now a real Car show should focus on the CARS. Cars by their very nature are meant to be driven. So any enhancement to these cars on any show should aid their drivability. Mercedes spends a million pounds a day on research and development!!!!!!!!!!!!! So how on earth do you think a 2 bit part builder from some obscure part of the earth will make a part that could replace one developed with that kind of budget?????
That’s why I love Topgear. It’s hosted by a bunch of Middle aged English men who clown around all day with all sorts of toilet humour and Judge a car based on its performance, its connection with the driver and how much soul it has. Any episode on Topgear that involves restoring a car, the 1st thing that is done is to up the power, reduce the weight and fit bigger brake discs that help with slowing the car down, Pimp my ride would add winged doors(more weight), LCD+mega speakers+sub woofers+huge rims; fitting huge rims on cars are cool but have you asked what it does to the driving dynamics of the car? Well 1st up is this, bigger rims no matter what they’re made from means more weight. Now because you’re just tweaking the rims alone, you have to still fit that rim into the same wheel well as the former one, it means you have to use low profile tyres (remember fities line “low pro’s so it looks like I’m riding on blades”), that then means your tyres have a smaller side wall. The side walls help in absorbing some of the harsh surfaces on our roads. What you’ve simply done is take that part of the dampening effect out making your car more noisy, 1000times more uncomfortable and finally because we have such bad roads, you’ve sunk a well in your pocket because our bad roads will tear up your “low pros” like Jigga tears up a Biggie( remember that the next time you watch Pimp my ride). Ask MTN big boy Gboyega why he took out his 22” rims from his Murano
Before you ever consider "Pimping your ride", please put it in a road worthy condition deserving of a 100% and then if the thought of it crosses your mind be sure not to call me.................
With that point made, I award the car show award to Topgear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Omtis Celebrates

Homo sapiens by nature are built to associate. When I was in the university I belonged to a group of noble men called the 3 musketeers (well we became 4 after inducting 1 more member). We were Yemi Coker, Henry Egbunike, Biodun Elemide and the inducted member was Eyinaya Mbagwu. Our sole aim was freeing men from the depression associated with studying Zoology and just having a really good time.
By that same association I was talking about, I became and inducted member of OMTIS, to which my brother was one founding members. They stood to for the cause that man’s true identity could be traced to the bottle. In reality they were a bunch of mutants whose threshold for alcohol was so high very few souls rarely saw them get to their limits. (My induction ceremony was a nightmare)
On sat the 6th of November we ushered one of the last few single members of OMTIS into marriage. Wola Oyesoro was getting married to Moradeyo Adeyemi.

Shevshenko& Wola


From L-R: G. o gbo, Vas1, Wola, Jigga

When OMTIS gathers for any occasion you’re guaranteed to find 2 things, Beer and lots of cars. I got an opportunity to drive for myself 3 cars, the new series Toyota Camry, the 2003 Nissan Xterra and Jigga’s own speeder.
The Toyota camry owned by G.O gbo, was really a sweet car, it came with leather seats, steering mounted controls for the audio system, cruise control and a really cool feature that adjusts the audio system to match the engine noise as you increase speed on the highway thereby ensuring engine noise never drowns whatever it is you’re listening to. It also came with Toyota’s in line 4 Cylinder engine. What that means is that you get 30MPG which is great for your wallet and 169HP. unfortunately as a driver’s car; you might want to sacrifice those MPG values for the 6 cylinder engine putting out 268HP. There is such a long delay between stamping flat on the accelerator and that throw back feeling into the seat I experience everytime in Jigga’s (penciled eye) camry. It makes you hesitate when you want to instantly overtake. Other than the lack of power the camry has so much rear room you can throw a party in the back seat.
After driving the Xterra it further stengtened my belief that bigger isn’t always better. The Xterra had a 3.5L v6 that was eager to go. The ride height was so high up that I felt I was driving a 10 storey building and the hood was so long that it felt I was driving from the back seat of Slama. I have always said short of driving an X5, or a Porsche Cayyene all other SUV’s were nothing more refined than a Toyota Hilux. The Xterra proved this. The Suspension was so out of date hat it felt I was driving a dinosaur. It could do only 1 thing, go in a straight line and that wasn’t even very fast. Avoiding any of the potholes on ikorodu road at top speed was met with so much dip and dive that I wonder why anyone would ever buy any of these relics from prehistoric times.
Jigga’s speeder ofcourse proved itself 1ce more. We attempted to have a go off a green light with a G55 AMG(it packs over 500 hp), we were met with a nothing more than a huge embarrassment. We didn’t even have the decency of seeing the guy’s red light go into the distance. We could only here the sound of that roar from Mercedes 5.5L supercharged beast. Really Jigga’s car proved to be the better of the three from a driver’s perspective. It’s decently fast, which inspires you to throw it harder everytime.
From a realistic point of view, I’d take G.o Gbo’s 2007 Camry. The reason being, it’s newer, and for everyday driving in Lagos it’d be more than sufficient for all the overtaking you’d need to do. Next on my list would be Jigga’s speeder. As a gift I wouldn’t take the Xterra. It’s very thirsty on fuel and I don’t trust the handling one bit.
We all had so much fun at Wola’s wedding ceremony, it was filled with so much Swagg. Happy married life Wola and Moradeyo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make that Paper

Just one day after writing a piece to celebrate Land Rovers 40th anniversary I get to witness the original 1970 series breakdown right before me.

kai.. dis Moto Heavy o!!!!!!!!
Quite often we’re told that Nigerians are a bunch of resilient, hard working, never say die people but when you witness this kind of determination by my friends over at Lastma to make that ‘paper’ you’ve got to ask yourself am I doing enough for my hustle?
This guys actually helped the unsuspecting driver of this classic push this 2Ton+ monster unto the kerb and then bill em’ while askari stands watch…..

Stop dia my evening cheda has come

Evoque

Other than its utilitarian origins, Land Rover has best kept its Heritage. Of the 4x4 vehicles you see on the road, Land Rover is the 2nd oldest brand, being younger only to the founding father of 4x4’s (Jeep). If you’ve ever been to Oniru beach you probably would’ve seen what the ‘prehistoric’ Land Rover looked like ( you know the ones that are used in transporting machine vibrated blocks) they’re called the Land Rover Defender and it hasn’t really changed much from the series 1 that launched the brand in 1948.

1948 Series 1 Land Rover
Land Rover 2008 Defender

On Land Rover’s lineup is the Discovery now popularly known as the LR3 or 4 depending on what model you bought.

Land Rover Discovery 2000 Model


LR3 2005 Model

The Free Lander is the baby of the range and the flagship model is the Range Rover.

Land Rover Free Lander 2000 model


Land Rover Freelander 2

Range Rover is Land Rover’s Luxury division. The 1st Range Rover was designed in 1970 to further help Land Rover move upward the Luxury market. The secret was to build a vehicle that could take Land Rover’s best customers everywhere in style and comfort, be it a camping trip out in the mountains or take a cruise in style and comfort on the back roads. Till date, only 3 generations of Range rovers exist!!!!!!!!!!!

Range Rover Generations

Range Rovers most popular stint probably came up under BMW ownership in 2002, but unfortunately like Jose Mourinho in Chelsea Bmw did not last long enough to reap all her rewards for the fine work it had done. To celebrate her 40th anniversary, Range Rover introduced the EVOQUE.

Victoria Beckham at the unveiling of the Evoque

The EVOQUE is the 1st Range Rover to come in an optional 2WD mode. They say it’s the most fuel efficient and most environmentally friendly Range Rover yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s so hugely celebrated that Victoria Beckham was involved in the design phase just to up the Swag a little bit more. You want one, you'll be able to get one from next year when it goes on sale!

Flying Spur

The Bentley Continental flying Spur
In the picture above, there are basically two objects, me and if you get the other I’d be impressed. It’s a Bently. Do I hear you say the Bently Continental? *bell rings* you’re so wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the Bently Continental Flying Spur!!!!!!!!!!
Merely looking at the picture above, almost no one could tell it was the flying spur. It shares the same platform as the 2 door continental, but it has two more extra doors. Also up on offer is the famous W12 engine from Volkswagen. The Flying spurs has all of the advantages of the coupe and none of the draw backs.
The Bentley continental is what Volkswagen used in relaunching the Bentley line, its to Bentley what the Cayenne is to Porsche. The Continental has a monumental 12 cylinder engine in the form of a W12. Its every footballers dream car and almost all your favorite EPL players have one or have owned one in the past.

Bentley Continental GT

Bentley Continental Flying Spur
Its what you’d call a real executive super saloon. With a 12 cylinder naturally aspirated engine with over 500Hp, it’s no slouch!!!!!!!!!!!! 0-100 times are under 5seconds and with prices starting at 180 grand($), its not for everyone. This one seen here was quoted at 28Million naira!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s about all the money our Naija boy won in the Big brother all stars, now thats a worthy way to spend $200,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS: I’d have given u’all more pictures, but my regular Camera man (jigga) was unavailable. I had to make do with Bode who’s an Amateur

Get out of the passengers seat

After a pulsating ride on a Honda power bike, I discovered a new respect for the 2 wheeled monsters. I was with Jigga and we were waiting for the CEO L.A.Y records when ever so suddenly I heard the vroom…brraaa..brooomm sound from a power bike. I and jigga walked over to examine and admire the bike more closely. The bike revved all the way to 14,000 RPM and the speedometer was digital.

Suzuki Monster
According to the biker he said he didn’t know what the limit was because he’d never maxxed it out. It had a 17L tank and it lasts him for 4 days!!!!!!!!! (that’s a miserly 1,105 naira with all that thrill).
I was busy taking pictures with the biker and believe it or not,’ Lagos lookers’ were gathering.

Vas1 and the Day Walker
(Well most were drivers caught in the dreadful Ozumba traffic heading towards the mainland) While taking pictures with the biker i was fortunate to witness the new method LASTMA officials devised in harrasing motorists in Lagos. The picture below shows it all.

Drop off man
There’s a drop off man. He gets off the bike, orders the driver to come to a halt and then attempts to get into the car.

Park.. Park!!!!!!!
Two years ago I had a similar experience on Akin Adesola- Adeola Odeku intersection. I was working from Sagamu then and wasn’t too familiar with the lastma rules; yes, LASTMA rules. Their rules are always contrary to the Highway Code. They make it up as they go along and if you Guck it.. you’ll pay up like the CEO. Before I could say Jack Bauer, two of them got in. 1 in front and the other behind. They ordered me to pull over right there by their post. I thought fast, l loked around for more officers and a tow truck. There was none. I hissed and became Vaswani MAD!!!!
I said who gave you guys permission to enter Slama? Did you buy her for me? I screamed in a very loud Elemide voice ‘get out’ or I’ll move. The idiot behind pretended to be on the radio doing the Charley 1 –roger 2 thing. He forgot he was holding a mobile phone and it takes at least 5 seconds for calls to connect on any network… Olodo!!!
I drove straight towards the bar beach and stopped around Karimu ikotun, the next thing that came out of my mouth was get out or I’ll drive straight to the beach and tell awon boys you tried to rob me( ofcourse, I was shouting), the shameless numb nuts started begging.. “oga please, we no know’…I said out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. The more shameless fool in front then said please find us something to take a bike back to our post. I hissed opened the door, waited for them to put one foot on the floor and I zoomed off…
I’m sure one of them bruised his elbow from the fall. Now before you go and pass judgement on me. Where in the law does it say, for committing any offence. A LASTMA official gets to sit in your car. Sometimes they even order the passenger in front to go to the back seat????? They come up with offences that are bogus and fines that are insane.
I hate those guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Baby Boy

I’d say I’ve had my fair share of Adrenaline filled moments. I’ve loved cars from as far as I was a toddler; I loved the thrilling effects the sound of a powerful engine produces as its revved silly from a green light, it sends chills down my spine, knowing that I can run any one slower than me off the road.
It’s a passion I and my brother picked up from our Dad. Fixing my Dad’s car in his workshop was a really great bonding experience for three of us. I thought the most beautiful thing I had ever seen was a Supercharged V8 Mercedes E class melt rubber on the streets of Abuja.
I was wrong, I witnessed the birth of Akinolu Adeniyi Elemide come into the world right before my very eyes on a raining Sunday morning. The gentle cries of Mother and Son after delivery was more sonorous than any sweet sounding V8 I’d ever heard. Time stood still for me right there!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Akinolu Adeniyi Elemide
Niyi’s growing with pretty much with some of my interests. He gave a deep smile from his sleep on the journey back from the hospital as Dave powered past three cars in his 3.5V6 Acura RL( the only time he did so the entire journey) and he does wake up 3 or 4 times a night.
Here’s to another generation of Father –Son bonding through the love of Cars, I love you Son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!